tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83872337209482125432024-03-13T14:01:59.829-07:00Coffee Shop Personal DevelopmentNeal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-63704844854847352072015-07-22T09:00:00.000-07:002015-07-22T09:00:15.190-07:00A simple meditation for sleepI know people have various troubles with going to sleep. I've rarely had problems, thanks in part to learning to sleep standing up in boot camp! But sometimes busy-ness or stress does lead to some problems with laying down and going to sleep.<br />
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I mentioned that the breath counting meditation isn't ideal for sleeping, since you want to maintain a big focus on the counting.<br />
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I'll toss you a simple example of a good going to sleep exercise. Remember that the thing to do with distracting thoughts is just acknowledge that they passed through and let them go.<br />
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Posture isn't really important for this one. There's possible variations, but just lay down however you usually fall asleep.<br />
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Close your eyes and build a picture in your head of your body as a city full of lights. Skyscrapers and houses and whatever. every light on. This gets easier, as most things do, with practice.<br />
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Once you have the image, begin by focusing on one foot and start turning off the lights and putting that part of the body to bed. As you turn off the lights, think of that part of the body being relaxed and heavy. You can switch to the other foot or move up one leg, whatever works. If you can just run with this, anything works. If you want more guidance on how to travel up the body:<br />
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I generally keep things balanced, so I'll switch from my left foot to my right foot, then move up to left ankle, right ankle, and so on, moving up the shins, calves, knees, inner and outer thighs, to the hips. Once you hit the core of the body it's time to expand a bit and turn off larger sections as you can, travelling up the chest. At the shoulders switch to the fingers, palms, wrists, and so on. Once you work your way back to the shoulders, move inwards to the neck and start turning off the lights in the muscles around your neck, jaw, and head. Next is the brain, you can work this with whatever internal vision you have of portions of the brain, and just turn them off.<br />
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It's pretty common to start spacing out during this and just fall asleep. That's the goal! There's no need to feel any sort of desire or accomplishment in getting through the whole body.With a bit of practice, you might not ever make it past your knees!<br />
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If, somehow, you've made it through the whole body like this, work it again, with a bit more focus on the feeling of heaviness and sleep as you move up.<br />
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<br />Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-61665024692638008292015-07-20T09:00:00.000-07:002015-07-20T09:00:04.759-07:00Thoughts on the 2 Minute Retreat Meditation<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've talked a bit about meditation, here and in the first book.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the quickest and simplest ways to meditate is to sit comfortably (you can do this standing), close your eyes, and count 20 long slow breaths. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finding time for this and remembering to do it can be difficult, so here's a few tricks:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Right after a shower, before you get out of the shower, stand and do this. For some people, getting out of the shower is a very rushed part of the day, with a feeling of time stress. Since this meditation generally is a bit under 2 minutes (100 seconds if you breathe at 5 seconds per breath, for example), it's not going to eat your day and can help with the rushed feelings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If your local weather is such, summer or winter, that worming up or cooling down your car is important, this is another good time to practice. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is not the ideal meditation exercise for trying to fall asleep. I will get into going to sleep meditations in other blogs posts and the next book (as I write this I'm working on a meditation exercise dedicated mini manual)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are times when you are going to have a huge flood of thoughts coming in while doing this exercise. Let the thoughts go and don't worry about it. While the goal is to have fewer or less distraction from thoughts, realize that just the initial bit of relaxation and mental quietness can allow a logjam of other thoughts to dissolve and run free. As you quiet your automatic self talk, thoughts that you push back or that you are usually distracted from have a chance to be heard. And they "want" to be heard.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So relax and let it flow, maintaining the focus on the breath counts. There's nothing wrong with you!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How to breathe. There's really no need to focus on <b>how</b> you breathe during this exercise. If you want to use a specific exercise, something called Ham Sa breathing is my favorite suggestion.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are variations on this, and whole mantras and translations. Basically, ham (hawm) is the sound of breathing in, and sa (saaahhhhhh) is the sound of breathing out. The point isn't the sound, though, it's the pushing and allowing. Or, allowing (the inward breath) and pushing (the exhalation). A lot of breathing disorders, including asthma, are due in part to a difficulty in exhalation. With that difficulty there's a lower level of exhalation, which essentially leaves stale air in the lungs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The hamsa breath, with a focus on allowing inhalation through the nose (if possible, not a big deal if you are stuffed up) and pushing the exhalation out through a half-open mouth, helps to expel stale air and more completely use your lungs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Generally you want to use your diaphragm and abdominals for the breathing, but you either know about this or don't need to worry about it at first. I'll cover it later, first thing is to get the habit of <b>doing </b>the meditation exercises.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And that's what you need to know. The sounds aren't super important, but they help to remind you to do the breathing (inside or outside of a meditation exercise). There are suggestions for postures of sitting, keeping your tongue on the roof of your mouth, switching nostrils... none of that is really important here, your body will actually figure out the most effective and comfortable way to do it.</span>Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-62756204554259772282015-07-15T09:00:00.000-07:002015-07-15T09:00:13.977-07:00Environmental stimulators<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Many incorrect actions, bad responses to situations, and failures to maintain resolved improvements in your life (feeling or acting better) have a factor in common. This factor is environmental stimulators. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An environmental stimulator is a scene, a situation, even just a room or a photograph, that stimulates a response from you that is inappropriate to your goals. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your computer, or phone, when you check it every morning instead of doing your 2 minute meditation? That object and its immediate presence is an environmental stimulator. It’s also a habit, but in this case reactivating habit instead of doing your meditation is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>stimulated</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by that piece of your environment. Do you find yourself adopting a certain mindset or feeling dread when entering the office? Or, due to negative past experiences, when entering any private office not your own? Or, as with many of us, a dental office?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do you have things in your house that distract you by reminding you of failed dreams and goals- things you wanted to do or think you could have done differently, or don’t have time to finish?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These, and other things, are all environmental stimulators. Some can be positive. I can walk into a dojo and all my outside worries and cares disappear instantly. I've trained myself over time that the dojo is the dojo. If you find a good meditative space, it can become an environmental cue to improve meditation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Manage your environment. You cannot fix your home life with your partner simply by moving a photo and some chairs around. But you can use some more involved changes to the environment to not push old buttons. And make agreements that no fighting or negative talk happens in a given space. YOu can change environmental factors in your workspace to some extent. You can remove habitual action stimulators for periods of time. An example of this would be not placing your phone by your bedside, or even your kitchen, in the morning. Remove the object that leads to a habitual reaction, and it is easier to manage the habit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">More is available in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B011LKDNUQ?*Version*=1&*entries*=0" target="_blank">Volume Three: Simplicity at Amazon</a>.</span>
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-90619492654240613172015-07-14T13:30:00.000-07:002015-07-14T13:30:00.906-07:00Clutter and SimplificationI'm releasing the third mini manual in the Coffee Shop Personal Development series.<br />
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This is the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B011LKDNUQ?*Version*=1&*entries*=0" target="_blank">Simplification book.</a><br />
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Simplification was actually pretty tough for me to write about. It's easier for me to take the general "feel better and forgive yourself" non specific stuff and provide set exercises and actions you can use to <b>do it</b> than it is for me to give really clear examples for simplifying and cleaning up your life.<br />
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Here's the short chapter 3 (the long part is repeating the exercise)<br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mentioned that checking email 30 times a day was a form of clutter. A distraction that prevents your attention and focus. Scrolling through the open tabs in your browser is similar. And social media inputs, messaging, and phone calls. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These are distractions and clutter, but they are also life structures. As are errands, background distractors like having CNN or PBS radio in the background.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Checking email may be a habit of distraction, but there’s a structure to having that always available. There’s a structure to having notification for incoming messages on. It seems like social media is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">designed</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> so that you almost have to structure your life around multiple daily, even multiple hourly, distractions to keep up.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Interruptions- from family, friends, or coworkers are probably a life structure. Spending time is with others is a positive life structure, but allowing interruptions that aren’t necessary is a life structure that sucks your time.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So here we will start with the first exercise. Find a life structure that sucks your time and attention, and change it. Start with something simple, like turning off your phone ringer AND vibrate when doing a task. Or eliminating email notifications. If you work at home and have kids (I do, so I know this one well), define times where you aren’t available for interruptions.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As with most of my exercises, I’m looking for simple and effective. Pick one to start with. Write it down in the notebook. You can, if you want, note how many times you do check social media each day first, and then set it so there’s no notifications and you check twice a day. You can record the differences that way. But trust that the differences will be pretty extreme as you take the idea of restructuring forward. </span></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B011LKDNUQ?*Version*=1&*entries*=0" target="_blank">More here, in the book.</a><br />
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Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-13633010980193699192015-07-13T08:30:00.000-07:002015-07-13T08:30:01.454-07:00Thoughts on clutter<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the novel Dune, there's a Litany, a sort of mantra, a mind exercise about fear:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I must not fear.<br />Fear is the mind-killer.<br />Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.<br />I will face my fear.<br />I will permit it to pass over me and through me.<br />And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.<br />Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.<br />Only I will remain.</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clutter has the ability to obliterate you, as well. Here's my version for clutter.</span></div>
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I must not allow clutter.<br />Clutter is the mind-killer.<br />Clutter is the source of distractions that bring total obliteration.<br />I will eliminate my clutter.<br />I will permit it to leave me.<br />And when it has been eliminated I will turn to see its absence.<br />Where the clutter has gone there will be nothing.<br />Only I will remain.</h4>
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Clutter. Clutter has effects that are exactly that severe. Negative effects on health, attention, and stress.</div>
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Clutter leads to increased allergens, molds, dust, and unwanted inhabitants (from germs to rodents). </div>
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Clutter is associated (I'll explore this more later) with overweight.</div>
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Clutter is distracting. (clutter can be auditory and involve things like background TV or radio as well.) The lack of focus saps you ability to think, remember, and accomplish goals.</div>
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Clutter is stressful. Several studies show the results of stress hormones increasing when dealing with clutter.</div>
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Clutter can be caused by a lack of control in your life, holding on to anything you can. Which is self reinforcing as the clutter progressively removes your control and ability to have other things.</div>
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Clutter can also be time based. The difference between a car that you take for scheduled maintenance 3 or 4 times a year and a car that sucks your time with emergencies every 2 weeks? That's time clutter. It's distracting and stressful.</div>
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Removing clutter can be difficult. There is actual pain involved in admitting to mistakes in acquiring things, or in getting rid of objects one owns. The <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 24px;">anterior cingulate cortex and insula, two brain regions involved in pain, activate when you give up things you have an attachment to.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 24px;">Since clutter can be confusing and overwhelming, it can be difficult to find a place to start. Some of the big solutions include garage sales, storage units (until you can accept being rid of objects) , the dedicated room or garage/shed for the clutter, and finding one space to declutter and expanding on it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 24px;">My next project involves clutter, elimination, and simplicity. </span></div>
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</span>Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-32997826449177499762015-07-12T09:30:00.000-07:002015-07-12T09:30:00.443-07:00What is this self development?<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I've used, interchangeably, all the terms for this: self-help, self-improvement, the more professional sounding personal development.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s not self-improvement in the sense that anything about you is broken. Sometimes it might seem or feel like there’s something broken, or not right. But whatever those things are, they aren’t </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. They are behaviors, expressions, identities you have, habits, or unresolved problems. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The key, the real key, is that everything you want to be, or do, is inside you. Peace, happiness, challenges and successes are all here - right now- inside yourself.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All you really have to do is set yourself free.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />In which case, why even read this? Right?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;">Because you may not remember how to set yourself free. Or you may not know how to find what's inside you. </b><span style="line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If we consider this from the point of view of an eternal soul, it may be that you just need to remember. Not learn, nor discover. Or we could be on the "spiritual development" path and the need is to learn and discover. Or something else. What you </span><b style="line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;">do</b><span style="line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> about it looks that same in any case.</span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><br />Do exercises, and keep doing them.</b></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some parts might seem easy, some part might seem hard. You have probably been programmed, as with so many of us, to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">think</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that difficulty equates to importance. This isn't necessarily so, but that's okay. No need to conquer that first. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But if something </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>does</b> seem easy and success comes quickly, you might be tempted to assign it little importance. That programming we have, that it must be hard to be worth anything, strikes again.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don't fall for it. Celebrate the easy successes as much as the difficult ones. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I do a lot of my writing in a coffee shop. Quite a few people who get into self-help reading groups or spiritual cooperative counseling use a coffee shop. In fact, in many personal development groups, the "coffee shop meetings" are where most of the real work gets done.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The coffee shop is a pretty free and stable space. It's also fast and a bit casual. We can lose our entire life be being too formal or regimented- especially with personal development. I'd rather do something casual and imperfect (but useful) than spend another 7 years preparing for the formalized academic adventure. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And so we have the Coffee Shop series on personal development. A bit more practical, a bit faster, and a bit less formal. </span></div>
Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-2479952123248555642015-07-09T07:30:00.000-07:002015-07-09T07:30:01.060-07:00SHOULD<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Should is a four letter word. Even if it has six letters. “I should” and “I should have” are killers. Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary. “Should” is a big generator of guilt and regret. The less guilt you generate, the less you have to get rid of.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-5b619500-68bb-a0c9-60b5-32698579b977" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another big generator of guilt and regret is the phrase “if only.” Remove that one from your self talk as well. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whenever you find yourself saying, or about to say (to yourself or another), “I should” or “If only”, pause and reframe that. “I can,” “I may choose to,” “I want to.” are all good reframings for should.</span></div>
Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-47853080266608494842015-07-08T16:08:00.002-07:002015-07-08T16:12:32.893-07:00Doing: An Exploration of Three Rules (the ebook is out)<br />
The second volume is released.<br />
<br />
An exploration of the three rules, with a lot of notes and exercises. on self acceptance and freedom from guilt. And for a whopping two bucks.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0114ZDLEQ?*Version*=1&*entries*=0" target="_blank">Doing: An Exploration of Three Rules</a><br />
Here's chapter 1:<br />
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: The Three Rules.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-5b619500-6fec-ae29-f943-8d070dc7953e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A decade or so ago I first wrote down my Big Three rules for accomplishment.</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: Do Stuff</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2: Finish some thing every day</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3: Never stop</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s more to them, of course. I wanted a simple list that could be memorized. And more than memorized, internalized. They have become my core Power Word mantras.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This little list can, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, change your life if you allow it. Let’s take a look at them in a first walkthrough. Then we’ll go back through them with some additional pointers in a later chapter.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: Do Stuff</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In my first exploration of this idea as a life experiment (and it led to a successful self employed career), the basic idea was an equation</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IF you do stuff, THEN things happen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It took me a while to simplify it down that way. I needed to make money doing something. It almost didn’t matter what, except it needed to be self directed. What I figured out is that if I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">did stuff every day</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, then eventually </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would get money for it</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It almost doesn’t matter what I’m doing. It was pretty easy for me as I was making generally useful tools, but at a “artist” level. I wasn’t even particularly good when I started, but that improved through the magic of doing. But durable goods aren’t the only choice. I can become an addicted walker, and start a walking club with secret routes through my city. I can make maps of the best walks and places to stop. I could do origami napkin holders for weddings and caterers. Insider cafe guides (every non-chain cafe has a secret menu or a particular individuality you can tell people about). Almost anything will work, but it’s a good idea to at least tie the Doing to your needs (at that time I needed to make money.)</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But my goal wasn’t actually the making of money. I had a lifelong desire to be a successful artist craftsman in a particular field. That was the goal. Making money was a necessary requirement. At the same time, it was also an almost unavoidable side effect of the type of Doing Stuff that produces tangible things. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This also works with skills. If you want to learn something new, or get better at drawing, or yoga. Whatever. If you do is, something happens- you learn or you get better at something, or stronger and more flexible.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that’s the key to number one- Do Stuff. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you Do Stuff, Things Happen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2: Finish some thing every day. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you start doing stuff as a goal, you need momentum, and some sort of evidence of accomplishment. This is pretty simple psychology. We work better with feedback.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You main goals of doing stuff might not be one hour or even one day projects. And that’s great! Big projects are a lot of fun. But there’s always some one thing you can finish every day and look at- write down in your notebook as an acknowledgement. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may have a list of things in your notebook that aren’t time sensitive, or steps in a larger project. Maybe you want to know how to make an origami crane. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finish at least one thing every day. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3: Never Stop.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This was the hardest part to define. The primary original idea had to do with tools, materials, money, or whatever was the excuse to not Do Stuff.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve seen this often enough I had to add it to the list. It’s the big pitfall. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I would do this if I had this tool.” </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I need to buy these parts first.” </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t have the money for this material right now.” </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even more insidious, because there’s this magic justification of “efficiency” or “elegance” or “doing it better:”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This is too slow. I’ll wait until I can buy a better tool.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This pen and notebook are awful, I’ll wait until I order a good pen and notebook on Amazon.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This isn’t the right yoga program. I need to find the right program first, because it will work better.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh yeah. We can fool ourselves into absolute pits of not-doing with the best excuses. Can you imagine NOT learning to paint because you don’t have the $500 set of oils? When what you need to learn first is… how to draw! Yet, that is exactly what people do. And what people are </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">told</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to do by marketers and forum specialists. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Every hobby, Every business; every activity, and every goal has a group of specialists, and a group of marketers. And they all want you to have, or buy, the most expensive and elegant tools, materials, and classes… before you start fingerpainting.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don’t buy into it. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">NEVER. STOP. Especially never stop doing for lack of “a thing.” (In the fairly rare case where it’s a real lack, and actual must have this to finish, then do something else. Preferably related. But Do Stuff!)</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0114ZDLEQ?*Version*=1&*entries*=0" target="_blank">More in the book, Doing: An Exploration of Three Rules</a></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-83740599381702739872015-07-08T07:30:00.000-07:002015-07-08T07:30:01.812-07:00Never StopThe third rule is the clincher<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Never Stop</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I would do this if I had this tool.” </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-5b619500-68b7-3db4-51f2-7c25848c71be" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I need to buy these parts first.” </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t have the money for this material right now.” </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even more insidious, because there’s this magic justification of “efficiency” or “elegance” or “doing it better:”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This is too slow. I’ll wait until I can buy a better tool.”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This pen and notebook are awful, I’ll wait until I order a good pen and notebook on Amazon.”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This isn’t the right yoga program. I need to find the right program first, because it will work better.”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh yeah. We can fool ourselves into absolute pits of not-doing with the best excuses.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don't fall for it. Do Stuff, finish some thing every day, and never stop.</span></span></div>
Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-8705208099124136072015-07-07T09:30:00.000-07:002015-07-07T15:15:14.857-07:00Finish some thing every day<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That's the second of my three rules: Finish some thing every day. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-5b619500-68b3-73fe-3df5-a02a845f177b" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you start doing stuff as a goal, you need momentum, and some sort of evidence of accomplishment. This is pretty simple psychology. We work better with feedback.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You main goals of doing stuff might not be one hour or even one day projects. And that’s great! Big projects are a lot of fun. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finding one thing you can finish every day keeps you going on the rest.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="line-height: 1.38;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The second book- the Doing Stuff volume- is available on amazon now!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Exploration-Coffee-Personal-Development-ebook/dp/B0114ZDLEQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1436307136&sr=8-2&keywords=neal+harper" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Exploration-Coffee-Personal-Development-ebook/dp/B0114ZDLEQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1436307136&sr=8-2&keywords=neal+harper</a></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.38;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<br /></div>
</div>
Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-47576412991460523162015-07-06T13:00:00.000-07:002015-07-06T13:00:03.041-07:00Practical ApplicationThe personal development field has a lot of topics and suggestions. Far too often they are lacking in simple, practical, doable steps. It's easy to say "you can develop self acceptance by getting rid of guilt."<br />
<br />
Great. Now, tell me how to do that. Step by step instructions. Some exercise to do. Something as simple as these steps:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Whenever you blame yourself for something, stop. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Write down the blame, then rewrite it without blame, in terms of acceptance. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>If you need to fix something, then write down the idea or plan of fixing it as a positive possibility.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Done!</b></div>
<br />
The only way to start to develop a habit of acceptance instead of blame to reduce guilt is to do it, so do it. Even more, the only way to get rid of guilt is to figure out <b>how </b>to get rid of guilt. This is one way, a simple start.<br />
<br />
The field needs more of this. Which is one of the main reasons I am doing the Coffee Shop PErsonal Development project.Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-45503175163812999342015-07-06T08:50:00.000-07:002015-07-07T06:38:54.965-07:00Some thoughts on Doing Stuff<b id="docs-internal-guid-5b619500-5ee7-1f0c-16b1-662a90684a47" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Do Stuff.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In my first exploration of this idea as a life experiment (and it led to a successful self employed career), the basic idea was an equation</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IF you do stuff, THEN things happen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It took me a while to simplify it down that way. I needed to make money doing something. It almost didn’t matter what, except it needed to be self directed. What I figured out is that if I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">did stuff every day</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, then eventually </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would get money for it</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It almost doesn’t matter what I’m doing. It was pretty easy for me as I was making generally useful tools, but at a “artist” level. I wasn’t even particularly good when I started, but that improved through the magic of doing. But durable goods aren’t the only choice. I can become an addicted walker, and start a walking club with secret routes through my city. I can make maps of the best walks and places to stop. I could do origami napkin holders for weddings and caterers. Insider cafe guides (every non-chain cafe has a secret menu or a particular individuality you can tell people about). Almost anything will work, but it’s a good idea to at least tie the Doing to your needs (at that time I needed to make money.)</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But my goal wasn’t actually the making of money. I had a lifelong desire to be a successful artist craftsman in a particular field. That </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>identity</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> was the goal. Making money was a necessary requirement. At the same time, it was also an almost unavoidable side effect of the type of Doing Stuff that produces tangible things. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Different things may happen. It isn't just about money, ever. Even if you really have a big goal of that aspect (which is fine), be open to the other effects. And there will be a lot of effects!</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that's the magic formula. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do Stuff and Things Happen</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;">What are you going to do today?</span></span></div>
Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-30112188335270464232015-07-05T09:00:00.000-07:002015-07-05T09:00:09.481-07:00Three rules for life.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 32px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: Do Stuff</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 32px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2: Finish some thing every day</span></div>
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Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-33575479887059965542015-07-04T12:45:00.003-07:002015-07-04T14:07:56.824-07:00<span style="font-size: large;">The first Volume of the Coffee Shop Personal Development series is available now on Amazon!</span><br />
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Excerpts:<br />
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From Chapter 1:</div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">RIGHT ACTION</span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a93-6761-57f2-f65babd54be0"><span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> There is a lot of talk about right action in various self help, spiritual, and new age circles. Right action is an important concept, but … what is it?</span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a94-6016-6c00-a2aeab987a2c"><span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’re breaking it down outside of the mold of being subservient to, or bound to, a specific group morality or set of goals. What we are after is achieving a higher degree of right action in your own life, for your own goals or purposes. (I’m not saying anything is wrong with any given set of morals or goals, they just aren’t applicable right here.)</span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a94-6016-6c00-a2aeab987a2c"><span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Right action in this sense tends to flow- without much worry, without much distraction, without self recrimination or self sabotage. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From Chapter 2:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">Why self help? The basic answer is - because </span><span style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline;">YOU</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"> can! You don’t need an authority to give you permission to change yourself or your life, or control you so that you do it “right.”</span></span></div>
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<br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">A person comes into the self help field because they are incongruent. Meaning that parts of themselves seem disparate or discordant. Something isn’t </span><span style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline;">right</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">. The key, whether your self help journey is alone or with the benefit of others- including counselors- is that the solution lies within you. Everyone is potentially a self actualizing and competent individual.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">From (well, ALL OF) Chapter 4, with the exercises:</span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5ae0-f967-036e-acc279484dc9"><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Meditation is a big word. Full of different meanings and purposes and rules for different practices. There’s no need right now to get into anything really heavy on the “right” way to meditate, the “wrong” way to meditate, or a big goal of (for example) reaching a changed state of being or getting outside of the body. Right now, for purposes of self help, we want some basic psychological and physiological benefits and the benefits of taking the time and control of our own lives in doing some meditation.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Psychology and physiology.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s very well known - and has been since the 1970s, that meditation has a direct physiological (body) effect. One of the primary mechanisms is the reduction of activity in the sympathetic nervous system- which is generally running </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">way</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> too high for our health. We constantly learn more about the effects. But here’s a list of some of the benefits:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Improved circulation of blood and lymph.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lower heart rate and blood pressure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lower blood cortisol levels and sometimes lower epinephrine production (stress hormones)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Psychologically (and some of this is naturally related to physiology)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lower anxiety levels</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Feelings of deeper relaxation</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(I could go on for an entire book on the benefits. As if these aren’t enough!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Control.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is also a control factor in doing a daily meditation. And you don’t have to be any “good” at meditation to benefit from this increase in control of your life. You are </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">making</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the time, </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">taking</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the time, </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">owning</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the time, to set aside to do this. It’s yours, nobody else’s.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For some, this can be the first important step in sensing control over one’s own life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meditation also influences Right Action. Right action can be planned, or often appear intuitive. Right action flows out of a calm mind, which is a key benefit of meditation practice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll present two basic meditations for now:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: The 2 minute retreat:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the quickest and simplest ways to meditate is to sit comfortably (you can even do this standing), close your eyes, and count 20 long slow breaths. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s really no “wrong” way to do this. If you can maintain enough focus to breathe slowly for 20 breaths, you are doing fine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once you start doing this- better a few times a day, but even a few times a week- you will gain in ability to focus on </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">just</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> counting breaths, without distracting thoughts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the things about “distracting thoughts” is that there will nearly always be some thoughts. What you want to do is learn to first control the distraction level. Accepting that the thought happened and letting it go is probably the best way to reduce the distraction level, and the stresses, that thoughts input into your life. Trying to ignore it or push it away won’t work as well. It’s like Aikido, you can’t let go of something you are pushing on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Recording that you did these in your notebook will help build momentum and your internal horsepower, as well as give you some sense of how often you do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2: Timer meditation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A structured meditation practice for the beginning level would be to set aside a time in the morning (morning is probably best, but anytime will work, try to avoid right after big meals) to sit down and meditate for a time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This version is a variation of what is commonly called mindfullness meditation. The primary goal isn’t to eliminate the mind, or still it completely, but to quiet down the frantic nature. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sit comfortably and set a timer. You may want to start with 5 minutes, but push up to 15 minutes as quickly as you can (beyond fifteen minutes is great, too).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Focus on your breath, the ticking of a clock or a slow metronome, or if you prefer having your eyes open, focus on a still object. Iif doing an open eyes meditation, make sure the space around you is visually empty as possible, and definitely uncluttered and aesthetically pleasing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maintain that focus as well as you can. Thoughts are going to come up. The goal here is to recognize the thought, acknowledge or thank it, and let it go, maintaining attention on the breathing or focus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s it! It isn’t quite as easy to do as it is to know about, as simple as this is. But it wouldn’t work very well if it was overly complicated, anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 1.38;">From Chapter 9, one of the signature mini-projects</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: No Negatives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m going to lead off with a Big One. This is a huge project, and can have some really profound effects. The project goal is to say nothing negative to yourself or anyone else for a week. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To illustrate this, I’ll use a counter example. I have a neighbor who is pretty much the exact opposite of this goal. I have to limit my exposure, because while I do think good of and for her, and find actual enjoyment in playing the game of “find the positive in the negative” with her, she’s so conditioned to this that conversations can get off track and I lose my center a bit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is what she does: she says EVERYTHING in a negative way. Often enough it’s just pure negatives. What we could call “bitchin for the sake of bitchin.” But when she has something nice to say or positive to report, it is bracketed between negatives. EVERY SINGLE TIME. First something negative, then the positive, then the negative spin. Every time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, the project is actually to get to that level of </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">positive</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> statements. Make even a justified complaint into a positive. no negatives!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(It’s not that hard. It does take more confidence to state “my coffee order is wrong” without blame or negatives than it does to whine or bitch about it. But it’s perfectly possible.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You will slip on this. Probably within minutes of starting the project (with negative self talk). But pay attention and do your best and you will find some pretty cool changes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you get the hang of this, you may want to extend it for another week and then make it a personal reminder whenever you do find yourself communicating or thinking in negatives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Again, while it may seem wimpy, or you may want to hold onto blame, give this a try. And no cheating! underhanded negativity couched in positive terms is still negative!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">From the Conclusion:</span></span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a94-6016-6c00-a2aeab987a2c"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a96-d39f-e20a-1f77914d5252"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a94-6016-6c00-a2aeab987a2c"></span><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a94-6016-6c00-a2aeab987a2c"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a96-d39f-e20a-1f77914d5252"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">This small manual is just a beginning, but it’s an important beginning. In reality, you can go far with just the few simple activities in this book. </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a96-d39f-e20a-1f77914d5252"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">In future manuals I will describe many other topics and exercises, feel free to pick and choose. Remember that some things you shy away from or have a negative reaction to trying out can be the most important.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a96-d39f-e20a-1f77914d5252"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">These exercises will help develop momentum and “horsepower.” Horsepower being the ability to reach deeper into yourself and improve more. You may be starting out with a blank on what to do, a blockage on finding goals or your inner purposes. The only way to make progress clearing up whatever is blocking you is to start Doing.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3959692-5a96-d39f-e20a-1f77914d5252"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">This is, in essence, a spiritual journey. Working with the brain and body does clear up the access and input/output lines between your mind, essence (or soul), and the universe. This is because the brain and body are the interface point for the three.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="vertical-align: baseline;">As you develop your access and broaden your input/output pipelines, you can delve deeper into spiritual aspects and the Big Wins. But place plenty of importance on these smaller exercises and projects, sometimes the deeper spiritual exercises are the same ones, just done with more horsepower and bigger I/O pipes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline;">Cheers!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Like what you see? The book is available on amazon, with the second and third volumes nearly done now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; line-height: 20.2399997711182px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Started-Introductory-Guidebook-Development-ebook/dp/B010W32I9U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1436039057&sr=8-2&keywords=neal+harper" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Started-Introductory-Guidebook-Development-ebook/dp/B010W32I9U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1436039057&sr=8-2&keywords=neal+harper</a></span></span></div>
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Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8387233720948212543.post-57383221358098655162015-07-04T12:36:00.000-07:002015-07-04T12:36:02.132-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Coffee Shop Personal Development Series takes self help and personal development ideas and exercises and delivers them to you in manageable chunks. Quick reading with exercises for helping </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> improve </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">your</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> life.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-03e9e6a1-5a90-c665-e875-cd2d35b74926" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">The key, the real key, is that everything you want to be, or do, is inside you. Peace, happiness, challenges and successes are all here - right now- inside yourself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">All you really have to do is set yourself free.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If so, why the books and the blog? Because you might get something out of finding out </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">how</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to set yourself free. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s go!</span></span></div>
<br />Neal Harperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02149784410308690490noreply@blogger.com0